


Wash Away My Misery

by deathbysandblk, maybesandsomedays



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, M/M, Prompt Fill, this au implies patrick was in sc before david, yeah there's probably some oocness but forgive me it's an au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 01:23:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19096879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathbysandblk/pseuds/deathbysandblk, https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybesandsomedays/pseuds/maybesandsomedays
Summary: Prompt is a line taken from this post: https://makeyourlivesextraordinary.tumblr.com/post/174195970894/guess-who-loves-ausIt is: "I have no idea how to work this washing machine, can you help me"





	Wash Away My Misery

**Author's Note:**

  * For [davidpatricks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/davidpatricks/gifts).



> This is for Julia @davidpatricks because I love her and because she deserves some sweetness from me after all the angst I have put her through. Huge thanks to Cindy (maybesandsomedays) for all the help on this!

David was not used to having to share his space with his sister. He was so used to living by himself in New York that when his family was forced to live in Schitt’s Creek and he and Alexis were forced to share a room, he knew it was going to be a nightmare. He just perhaps didn’t realize how much of a nightmare. 

They had been in Schitt’s Creek for two months and even though they were all fairly confident they would be getting out quickly, they were forced to adjust and form some kind of routine. 

Alexis talked about her visits to the laundromat, which was apparently just a room in a man named Ray’s house with three washing machines and dryers, but David had yet to step foot in there. For one thing, he had managed to grab enough of his clothes that laundry hadn’t been necessary up until this point and for another, most of his laundry was not machine washable. When it came time for it, he’d either have to see if there was a dry cleaner’s in Elmdale or some other nearby city, or he’d have to hand wash them-the thought of which made him shudder. 

He would have been content to never step foot in there until the bet. It was his own fault. He had to go and open his stupid mouth, but in his defense, he had felt certain that Joe Jonas was in the “I Really Like You” music video and not Justin Bieber, of all people. Why Carly Rae would ever subject herself to that, he would never know. 

“Ugh, David you are so infuriating! Justin Bieber is literally in the music video!”

They had been arguing about this for a good thirty minutes now.

“No, he’s not!”

“David, yes he is! Remember, he was posting behind the scenes on instagram?”

“No?! Why would I remember that?! I don’t follow him on instagram. Why would I follow him on instagram?”

“Because he’s literally so hot, David.”

“Ewww. Get some taste, Alexis!”

“David, that’s so rude! You’re just mad because you know I’m right about him being in that music video.”

“Umm, I don’t know that, actually. In fact, I’m so sure that I am right about him not being in that video that if I’m wrong, I’ll do your laundry for a whole month.”

“David, I don’t know if I want you doing my laundry, you’ve never touched a washing machine in your life.”

“Alexis, fuck off, I know how to do laundry.”

“Mhm, yeah sure, David. Well, I’m googling it right now so AHA! In your face, David! It says right here that he’s in it and if you don’t believe google, we can watch the music video! Just so you know, David, I like my underwear washed on delicate.” 

“Oh my god, I have to touch your underwear?!”

“You said you’d do my laundry for a whole month, David! Underwear is part of my laundry, David!”

“Walk into traffic, Alexis,” said David as he stormed out of the room. 

***

Why had he done this again? Oh yeah because he had been so sure he was right. He needed to remember to never do that again. 

He walked into Ray’s, Alexis’s basket of laundry in tow, and as soon as he walked in, he noticed a man looking at him. He felt very self-conscious because the basket he was holding was a weird shape and trying to get it and himself through the door was proving to be what he was sure was an embarrassing sight. Why was this guy staring at him? He could at least offer to hold the door open for him instead of just standing there. 

There were signs posted all around the entryway for each one of Ray’s various businesses and it didn’t take him long to figure out where the washing machines were. David approached the machine, ready to just get this over with. He started to try to use the machine, but it looked completely foreign to him. These machines were nothing like the ones he had used occasionally in New York. 

He just sat there staring at the machines, not knowing what to do. He felt very awkward. 

He pulled out his phone and frantically texted Stevie. 

[To Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 1:37pm  
STEVIE. HELP ME.

He felt really relieved when Stevie immediately texted back.

[From Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 1:37pm  
What do you want, David?

[To Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 1:38pm  
HOW DO YOU USE A WASHING MACHINE? THESE ONES AT RAY’S ARE SO CONFUSING.

[From Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 1:39pm  
What is so confusing about them, David?

[To Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 1:39pm  
Okay, you can’t tell Alexis this because I got all defensive when she made fun of me for not knowing how to do laundry, but she was right and I don’t know how to do laundry. And now I’m just awkwardly standing here, not knowing what to do. 

[From Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 1:41pm  
Have you tried reading the instructions that are literally on the inside of the lid?

Also, this is absolutely being used as future blackmail material. Don’t cross me, Rose, or you’ll regret it. 

[To Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 1:42pm  
I literally hate you.

[From Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 1:43pm  
Love you too.

David wanted to just turn around and forget he had ever come here when he heard a noise from behind him. 

David turned around and the guy who had been staring at him before appeared to be trying to suppress a laugh and David opened his mouth to say something because just who did this guy think he was anyway? 

“Is something funny to you?”

“Well, uh, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say it looks like this is your first time using a washing machine.”

“Did Alexis put you up to this?”

“Huh? Who’s Alexis?”

“She’s my sister and also the reason I’m here right now when I’d rather be anywhere else.”

“And it’s her fault you don’t know how to use a washing machine?”

“Okay, wow, I see how this is going to be. Don’t you have work you have to do or something?”

“Well, I actually work for Ray and his various businesses, so you could say I’m working now. Clearly, a client is in need of my help and so I’m going to help him.”

“Oh? Are you going to be helpful? That’s new because so far, all you’ve done is stand there and mock me.”

“Why can’t I do both? I’ve been told I’m a pretty good multi-tasker.” the man said as he grabbed the basket from David and started loading the clothes into the washer. 

“By whom? The person who told you to buy those jeans?”

“What’s wrong with my jeans?” his new acquaintance asked with what he assumed was supposed to be a defensive tone, but David didn’t miss the hint of amusement that poked through.

If he was being honest, he would usually never even take an interest in a person with this obvious a lack of fashion sense, but this man could wear a burlap sack and pull it off. 

Plus, it helped his case, in David’s mind, that this guy went along with his banter with natural ease. In the past, people had called him off-putting for his sarcastic, biting personality, but this man didn’t seem to think twice about it, choosing instead to go along with it. This fact pleased David immensely. 

He shot back, not even thinking twice about it, saying,

“Oh, umm, where do I start? But at least you do have one thing going for you.”

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

“Your ass looks great in them.”

David felt utter delight when he noticed the blush that spread across the man’s face. He cleared his throat and then gestured to the washer and said,

“So, were you ever planning on actually learning how to use the washing machine or were you just gonna sweet-talk me into doing this for you?”

The insinuation this guy was making would have upset him if he had said it in any other tone than the one he used, but this guy didn’t seem to be annoyed with him. This was not a feeling he was used to, feeling like people actually wanted to be around him. 

“Well, Mr. Laundry Man, you seem to have caught onto my plan. Whatever will I do now?” 

“It’s Patrick.”

“Oh, you mean your name isn’t actually Mr. Laundry Man? Dang, I really thought it was.”

“This is usually when the other person introduces themselves.”

“Oh, is that how these things go?”

“You leave me no choice. I’ll just have to call you Bartholomew Detergent then.”

“I’d rather drop dead.”

“Well just tell me your name then and I won’t have to use that name!”

“My name is David.”

“Ah, see? That wasn’t so hard! Not like using a washing machine!”

“Okay, now you’re just being cruel. I know how to use a washing machine! It’s just, these ones are very different from the ones I used in New York.”

“Mhm, sure, let’s go with that.”

“What do you mean? That’s the truth!”

Patrick walked him through the steps of doing laundry and it really wasn’t that bad. He loaded the last of Alexis’s laundry into the last washer and Patrick said,

“So, not that I’m judging or anything, but is this your laundry?”

David looked over at him and stared at him like he had just slapped him in the face.

“No, god no, I wouldn’t be caught dead in florals. This is my sister’s laundry.”

“And you’re doing it just because, out of the kindness of your heart?” Patrick asked in a way that implied he knew that was definitely not why David was doing it.

“No, I lost a bet to her and so now I have to do her laundry for a month.”

“Wow, a whole month, huh? I sure hope you were paying attention while I was teaching you how to use the machines. Soon enough, you’ll be the person teaching the newbies how to use them!”

“That’s not...that’s not very nice.”

“Oh, were you wanting the nice washing machine attendant? I’m sorry, he’s gone for the day.”

Their conversation was interrupted by Ray pulling Patrick away for work. David didn’t know why he felt so disappointed about that. 

He was distracted from his disappointment by his phone buzzing. He sat down on one of the few chairs in the room and looked it. 

[From Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 2:35pm  
Did you get it figured out or are you still standing there staring at the machines?

[To Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 2:37pm  
Someone helped me figure out, but he’s being VERY snippy. 

[From Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 2:38pm  
Someone being snippy to you about not knowing how to use a washing machine? Wow. I’m shocked. 

[To Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 2:40pm  
Okay, are you two in cahoots or something? Is this guy secretly your friend that you sent here to pester me?

[From Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 2:41pm  
David, do you really think I would put that much effort into...you know what? That’s fair, but no, I have no idea who you’re talking about. And how exactly did he pester you? I want to take notes. 

[To Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 2:44pm  
He asked me my name and I told him it and he was like “see that wasn’t so hard, not like using a washing machine!” and then he said “soon enough, you’ll be the person teaching the newbies how to use them!” when I told him I’m doing Alexis’s laundry for the month.

[From Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 2:48pm  
….David, please tell me you are not actually this dumb. 

[To Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 2:50pm  
Umm, I don’t think I want to ask this, but what did I do to deserve you calling me dumb this time?

[From Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 2:52pm  
David, he is so obviously flirting with you. And I wasn’t even there.

[To Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 2:54pm  
Nuh-uh. No way, Stevie! You should see his jeans!

[From Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 2:57pm  
Okay, I’m gonna pretend that what you just said makes perfect sense. The horror!

[To Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 2015 3:00pm  
They’re awful, Stevie. He’s clearly straight. Only a straight person would wear something like that.

[From Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 3:02pm  
That’s funny. I don’t remember pants declaring someone’s sexuality. I must’ve missed that memo.

[To Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 3:05pm  
I’m surprised you didn’t get it because your pants scream that you’re gay. 

[From Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 3:07pm  
So, what else did mean Mr. Straight Jeans say to you?

[To Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 3:10pm  
HIs ass looked good in the jeans and when I told him that he just asked if I was trying to sweet-talk him into doing the laundry for me. 

[From Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 3:12pm  
So, let me get this straight (haha), you flirted with him and didn’t realize he was flirting back?! David...how are you this dumb?

David was getting ready to respond when he looked up and noticed Patrick was back. He walked towards him and David almost threw his phone on the ground, he was desperately trying to send a message to Stevie.

[To Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 3:14pm  
SOS. He’s back.

[From Stevie] Fri, Jun 15, 3:14pm  
What are you doing texting me? Go flirt with him!

Patrick walked towards him and sat down in the chair right beside his.

“I was starting to think you’d fled the scene at the prospect of having to put these clothes in the dryer. It’s gonna be okay, David, it’s not that hard. And I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“Thanks so much. I don’t know how I could’ve managed without you,” David said in a sarcastic tone.

“Well, I mean, if you remember, you did have to ask my help with the washers.”

“Umm, actually? I remember getting started on it and then some guy harassing me about it.”

Patrick laughed and David smiled. He wanted to make Patrick laugh some more. 

The two of them put the clothes in the dryers and then, sadly, Patrick was pulled away again. He was still busy by the time the clothes were done, but it wasn’t like David didn’t know how to remove clothes from a dryer and put them in baskets. Although maybe he was kinda hoping for Patrick to be around to tease him about not knowing how to do that…

He headed for the door, basket in tow, and Patrick called after him.

“Bye, Bartholomew! It was sure nice to meet you! I hope to see you again soon!”

David flipped him off, but walked away smiling. He hoped to see Patrick again soon too.


End file.
